How to deal with your government cheating on you

  • Yell at the tv ‘ I never trusted you anyway!’ every time anyone from the government speaks
  • Eat a big bowl of ice cream, like Hollywood has taught you
  • Join a demonstration that feels more like a funeral. If you are asked why you are crying respond with ‘I’m not crying, it’s just tear gas!’
  • Share your feelings with your friends, ruining their day as well in the process
  • Remember the referendum and cry some more. Yell ‘ This is a betrayal!’ with every chance you got.
  • Throw something at the tv and/or radio every time the words ‘government of the left’ are mentioned. Do this with caution when driving
  • Sing partisan songs in the shower until the neighbors tell you to shut up
  • Complain about the heat. Blame the heat for everything.
  • Think about the people that actually voted for Syriza and realise things could be worse. Try not to sympathise and fail
  • Understand that it’s not you, it’s them, cause you were pretty damn clear about your intentions this time round
  • When you are done feeling sorry for yourself, pick yourself up and realise the struggle continues.
  • Be mad once again

I scream

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Musical break(down)

So, I have to finish this design for an Easter card and I need a break because my wrist is starting to hurt…from using a Wacom tablet! wooooooo! -ok, no, seriously this is a huge upgrade for me, my previous tablet cost something like 30 euros.

So while I take a break here’s a list of my ten favorite soundtracks ever (there’s a lot more than ten, but then I need to get back to work):

(The list is in reverse, as is customary with this sort of lists)

10. Ghost in the Shell: Kenji Kawai

If cyberpunk hymns are not your thing then I don’t wanna be your friend

9. Tetsuo: the Iron Man: Ishikawa Chu

…or Ishikawa Tadashi if you are watching Fudoh. Anyone care to explain that?

8. Waltz with Bashir: Max Richter

Story time: I hadn’t slept for two days when I watched this film in the theater. As a result I fell asleep at some point and woke up during the final scene. Those who have seen it will understand how shocking that was.

7. Ravenous: Damon Albarn and Michael Nyman

The most perfectly unfitting soundtrack to any film, ever

6. The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford: Nick Cave and Warren Ellis

You can’t really go wrong with this combination. The film is also beautifully shot, the cinematography will actually bring tears to your eyes.

5. Arizona Dream: Iggy Pop and Goran Bregovic

I’ve seen them both live. That’s right, be jealous.

4. Akira: Geinoh Yamashirogumi collective

I was told the soundtrack was recorded prior to the film, which is crazy because one is not complete without the other. It would be like… sandwich without cheese or souvlaki minus the tzatziki (sacrilege).

3. Oldboy: Cho Young Wuk

I Finally got to see one of my favourite films ever on the big screen last year in London. The live orchestra at the end of the screening and the Q&A with this guy more than made up for the long wait.

2. Dead Man: Neil Young

Neil Young. Enough said.

1. IZO: Kazuki Tomokawa

Story time: During what has so far been the luckiest day of my life, I discovered that Kazuki was playing in London by accident. I was walking to the Arcola theatre in Dalston, and just happened to glance at the gigs on the announcement board of the venue next door. I never went to the theater. Kazuki broke a string about three times during the gig; each time this happened he would hold up the guitar in a ceremonial manner and say ‘ guitar change’. It’s impossible not to love Kazuki. Impossible. Miike loved him so much he actually embedded him in his film, so everyone could see just how cool he looks while violating his guitar-in the best way possible.

Banana terracotta pie

It was about time someone pointed out the very realistic threat that Venezuela poses to a country like the United States. Being one of the largest oil exporters in the world, the United States is facing a devastating socioeconomic crisis, which has been further augmented by external efforts to destabilize the government. Even though the allegations of the active president might seem slightly far-fetched, let’s not forget the 2002 coup d’état attempt against the former president, partially sponsored by Venezuelan institutions. Besides, Venezuela has a long history of sponsoring coups all around its ‘backyard’ for some time; Venezuela has been engaged in a continuous effort to keep its back yard neat and tidy, through trimming the bushes of discontentment and taking out the weeds of rebellion, so that democracy (and money) could flourish. Venezuela is also currently facing a human rights crisis, mostly related to the repression of minority groups, with waves of protests following several cases of police brutality. Concerns have also been raised over the impressive rates of incarceration within the country, which are the highest in the world, above even China and other de facto baddies.

The people of the U.S. have every right to protect their sovereignty. They have every right to defend their own interests and their own democracy, the way it has taken shape through their collective efforts. They have a long, hard road ahead of them, but the predatory attitude of neighboring countries will only serve as a unifying factor for the troubled U.S. population.

They have my solidarity. Not so sure about our government’s take on the matter, they are currently going through some sort of identity crisis and they must be given some time to find themselves and decide what ‘radical left’ translates to in our day and age, much like Venezuela- I mean the U.S- I mean Venezuela.

Feeling the pressure yet?

Elections are upon us yet again and these are some things we need to expect according to international and domestic media:

  • Exit from the eurozone
  • Default
  • Destabilization of the eurozone
  • Loss of Germany’s support
  • Mass suicides of investors
  • Hell fire from the sky
  • Tidal waves sweeping across the land
  • Meteor showers
  • Frogs, flies,locusts etc
  • Zombies- the fast ones as well

Basically, we’re not being told what to vote- we are being told what will happen if we vote wrong and then left with a ‘do whatever you want’. This is exactly what my mother used to do when I was a kid, because she knew that if she directly prohibited me from doing something I would do it anyway. Now can we all agree to keep our TVs turned off for a bit so that we don’t end up breathing into paper bags?

Horsemen

Signs that you are getting to old to attend metal gigs

  • Your back hurts and you need to sit down after the first two songs
  • You are not wearing black and your hair is tied up neatly. You look like your boyfriend dragged you in and you can’t wait to escape.
  • You are self-conscious about your headbanging; is it too much? is it  too little?do you look like your dad dancing to System of a Down?
  • You drink one beer and leave because you have to work the next day
  • You don’t grab your friend’s shoulders and shake them yelling ‘ MOSH PIT!’. In fact you consider a mosh-pit of 12 people to be a ridiculous idea.
  • You don’t even bother trying to get in front of the stage even though there’s no crowd preventing you from doing so
  • After a while you give up headbanging altogether and start tapping your foot on the floor. Now you definitely look like your dad.
  • The ringing in your ears does not go away for a while after the show. On top of that you’ve got a bonus headache that prevents you from falling asleep
  • You know you’re still gonna go to the next one, and you’re definitely gonna whine about it afterwards

Screenwriting problems

  • Picking favourites. You hand out all the cool lines to them and make everyone else look lame in comparison. Usually they are not even the main character but you secretly wish you could make a spin-off about them. Thinking about having more than one kid in the future? You’d better sort that out first.
  • The middle part. You’ve got a fantastic opening scene and an epic showdown in the end. You know what the story is about more or less, but you have no idea what goes in between. You’re obviously gonna have to fill in that gap sooner or later but for the moment you are content just replaying the heartbreaking final dialogue between the main character and his brother in your head, weeping silently instead of typing.
  • Avoiding exposition. Yes. Exposition is a sin. Hubris. A criminal act. It’s the enemy and you’ve been conditioned to resist and fight it to the very end. Then your dialogue ends up looking somewhat like this:

JOHN looks at MARY while picking up one of the fallen oranges

JOHN

I guess…all oranges  are citrus fruits. But not all citrus fruits are oranges. 

MARY lovingly caresses the side of his face

MARY 

You should have noticed John. You should have been able to tell. 

You ask your friends if they liked the script, and they’re like ‘ I don’t know what the hell you’re on about’. You proceed to lament the fact that your friends are shallow and dense and you insist that one must look deeper to uncover the true meaning of John’s words.

  • Trying to get into the character’s head. Not only this will ruin your mood but it will create complications such as: There’s two characters having an argument, you get to relate to both characters’ point of view and realise you’re playing tic-tac-toe against yourself. No one is right, no one is wrong and these guys are both you. It’s like throwing punches against Tyler Durden; you’ll only end up hitting yourself.
  • Projecting. I do it, you do it, we all do it. Each character’s personality is unavoidably filtered through your own experiences and personal ideals. I don’t think there is a way to avoid this one- at least I haven’t found one yet. The good news are that people who haven’t met you personally won’t be able to tell.
  • Slang. When you see phrases such as ‘ that was like…awesome, mate!’, I am willing to bet that it has been written by a non-British person who lives in the UK. I have been bombarded with American slang for years and suddenly I had to get used to using words like ‘fag’ for cigarette, or ‘cheers’ instead of ‘thanks’. Cultural shock, as we say here.

How to drive in Athens

  • Whenever possible, drive to your destination. Even if that is one block away from where you live, Your car needs the exercise.
  • When it comes to traffic lights, orange is simply another shade of green. Always accelerate upon seeing an orange light.
  • A car without an ashtray is almost as problematic as a car without a make- up mirror.
  • Never use both hands for driving. One hand should always be used to perform tasks such as drinking coffee, smoking, talking on the phone and gesturing to your friend on the passenger seat-because how else will you get your point across?
  • Honk whenever possible. This is how cars communicate with each other in the jungle that is known as ‘the center of Athens’.
  • If you see someone driving badly, say to the person on your immediate right ‘ it must be a woman’. If you are a woman yourself you must continue with a small speech about how sexist you consider this stereotype to be, only to contradict yourself by adding that despite that, from your experience with other female drivers it is probably not entirely unfounded.
  • If the weather is relatively good, keep your left elbow out of the window. It makes you look almost as cool as a taxi driver.
  • Morning commute is nothing but a daily excuse to vent your frustration on other drivers.
  • You can use bus lanes for as long as you want provided that you keep the turn signal on.
  • Never use the turn signal on any other occasion. Never reveal your intentions-take your enemies by surprise.
  • It is perfectly acceptable to have your car blocking one lane for the duration of time you need to buy a souvlaki. Take it slow. Stress is a killer.
  • When insulting a female driver, make sure you use gender-specific slurs to really piss her off.
  • Zebra crossings is just leftover paint on the asphalt
  • Any piece of land is a parking spot